I must live in a way I want!

I must not live in a way that other people expect. But it’s not as easy as you may think because I always lived as my family expected and now when I grow up I realized that I have no chance to change my goals and behaviour without problems. I have never been drinking alcohol, smoking, playing truant or getting poor marks and now the whole family expect that I am the most intelligent and dutiful person on the earth and no one understand to the fact that maybe I am not this kind of person and maybe I don’t want to be.

They always wanted me to go to grammar school and then to a university and study and get an honours degree. But what if I feel lost because I didn’t want to get an honours degree? Maybe it would be better for me to have small shop with flowers and live simple and contended life. But nobody cares.  

I am always trying to make everybody happy although it makes me troubles. I feel bad when people around me feel bad, so I am trying to help them so much that then it’s me who is exhausted and feel even more bad than they did. But there is no one who would help me.

I think that I must start to live in a way I want and not to live in a way my family expect but it’s not so easy to change myself after 20 years of obedience.